I have a very specific skill set

[purplefringe]

Two posts in two days, gosh. This one has a vid in it!

Wolf Like Me
edited by purplefringe
fandom: MCU
characters: Natasha/Bruce
music: Wolf Like Me by Lera Lynn
summary: My mind has changed / my body's frame
content notes: Canon-typical violence, needles, some fairly fast cutting

notes: HUGE thanks to my lovely betas: such_heights for her usual encouragement and soothing noises and reassurance that 'yes, there are some feelings in this vid', and usuallyhats for her patience with endless drafts and neurosis, and her wonderful nit-picking skills.


This is not quite the Natasha vid I thought I'd make. I've had a Natasha song in my head for a little over three years now, and this is not it. But that other song really requires an actual Natasha backstory film (WHY DOESN'T THAT EXIST OH GOD) and so I may never make it. This, on the other hand, struck me quite suddenly on my commute to work a little while ago, and then evolved the more I thought about it. I was v excited when the Ultron DVD came out and I could finally make it. I have a lot of feelings about Natasha. I know a lot of people were upset/bewildered/angered by the way she was written in Ultron, and I know a lot of people really don't get the Nat/Bruce thing, and yes there are certainly ways it could have been done better. But...I still enjoyed it, and somewhat to my surprise found myself shipping it. So this is partly a Nat/Bruce vid, but it is also mostly a Natasha character study, inspired by her lines about her 'very specific skill set', and her upbringing /training in the Red Room. Speaking of very specific skill sets, it only belatedly occurred to me that I have made this vid before. Twice. Possibly even three times. Oh dear. /o\



download: 68MB @ mediafire

stream:

"MCU | Wolf LIke Me | Natasha/Bruce" (Watch on YouTube)

Lyrics

Say say my playmate
wont you lay hands on me
mirror my malady
transfer my tragedy

Got a curse I cannot lift
shines when the sunset shifts
when the moon is round and full
gotta bust that box gotta gut that fish

We could jet in a stolen car
but we wouldn't get too far
before the transformation takes
and bloodlust tanks and
crave gets slaked

My mind has changed
my body's frame but god I like it
my heart's aflame
my body's strained but god I like it

My mind has changed
my body's frame but god I like it
my heart's aflame
my body's strained but god I like it

Charge me your daily rate
I'll turn you out in kind
when the moon is round and full
gonna teach you tricks that'll blow your mind
baby doll I recognize
you're a hideous thing inside
if ever there were a lucky kind it's
you you you

I know its strange another way to get to know you
you'll never know unless we go so let me show you
I know its strange another way to get to know you
we've got till noon here comes the moon
so let it show you
show you

Dream me oh dreamer
down to the floor
open my hands and let them
weave onto yours

Feel me, completer
down to my core
open my heart and let it
bleed onto yours

Feeding on fever
down all fours
show you what all that
howl is for

Hey hey my playmate
let me lay waste to thee
burned down their hanging tree
it's hot here hot here hot here hot here

Got a curse we cannot lift
shines when the sunset shifts
there's a curse comes with a kiss
the bite that binds the gift that gives

now that we're gone for good
writhing under your riding hood
tell your gra'ma and your mama too
it's true, true true

My mind has changed
my body's frame but god I like it
my heart's aflame
my body's strained but god I like it

My mind has changed
my body's frame but god I like it
my heart's aflame
my body's strained but god I like it

Comments

[goodbyebird]

Oh the rhythm and composition of this is amaze!

[purplefringe]

<3 Thank you very much! (...sorry for late reply!)

[kouredios]

This is a much more convincing argument for the ship than the movie was. I enjoyed it very much.

[brainwane]

Seconding this!

[purplefringe]

:-D Thank you!

[purplefringe]

:-D Thank you very much! I'm really glad this worked for you, particularly as the movie clearly didn't <3

[kouredios]

Many parts of the movie worked for me! :D

[happydork]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this is so good! Such a perfect song choice, and oh, Natasha, reclaiming and relearning what it means to be herself again and again, and how much Bruce's way of being helps her to find her own centre. *rolls around in this* Open my heart and let it bleed onto yours indeed. Plus, argh, I'd never noticed the shift from "Got a curse I cannot lift" to "Got a curse we cannot lift" in the song before, so that perfect look of understanding they exchange on the latter line killed me just about dead

[endeni]

Oh, wow. I still have conflicted feelings about Bruce/Natasha and the way their relationship was handled in AOU but this vid is just delightful. I really buy their genuine affection for each other here. I'm impressed by the way it emphasizes Natasha and Bruce being "monsters" by graphically showing us their great capability for violence, thus putting aside that unfortunate overtone I always get of "I'm a monster because I'm unable to bear children". On the contrary, the inclusion of that scene from the first Avengers movie with Bruce and the cradle makes for a much more moving tone: here in the vid I totally get that being unable to have children is something else they have in common and something that they can face together -- and yes, their infertility is intrinsically linked to they way they came to their superhero powers but it is not what makes them monsters. Maybe the Natasha/Bruce story of the vid benefits by not being in juxtaposition with the Barton family and their charged heteronormativity.
Also, the hypnotic rhyme of the song is enchanting and so is the way you put together Natasha's acrobatic fighting (the bit circa 02:32-33 of Natasha somersaulting leaves me breathless).
BTW, watching the vid, I only just noticed Natasha's penchant for hiding guns under tables for easy access in case of necessity and I'm greatly amused by it.
TL;DR: This was so awesome and it went a long way to help me reconcile with Bruce/Natasha, thanks so much for sharing! ;)

[endeni]

Back from the nth rewatch, I have to add I looove that bit circa 0:10-11 with Nat sliding things on the table over to Bruce, that shows character consistency, cool catch.
And I only just noticed the bit circa 2:30-35, when the lyrics go "show you what all that howl is for" and suddenly it's not just Nat showing Bruce how cool is to be together as a way to deal together with their respective past and being stronger for it, but how cool it is to be together *as part of the Avengers* (how they can use their howl, that is troubled past and what made them the superbeings they are now, to become something *more*, "anything more than the assassin they made me") and of course here's where their paths diverge, because Natasha explicitly sees being part of the Avengers like a dream she can't believe to be true but it's not the same for Bruce and that's why the vid ends with Natasha alone.
Again, this got incredibly long but, really, the more I rewatch this vid the more cool it gets. *_*

[purplefringe]

<33333

Firstly, apologies for the unforgivably late reply to these completely awesome comments. I have no excuse /o\. Secondly, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THESE COMPLETELY AWESOME COMMENTS! :-D :-D

This is the kind of thing that fills me with a warm glow of joy and delight, after I've worked really hard on a vid - a wonderful, in-depth analytical response from someone who has clearly got as much out of it as I tried to put in. So thank you! I'm really delighted this worked so well for you, in spite of the issues with the presentation of Bruce/Nat in Ultron. I was really trying to show the relationship as *I* interpreted it, which is not necessarily how Joss intended it, or how everyone else interpreted it.

The infertility thing is really problematic, and I ummed and ah-ed over whether or not to include that clip of Bruce with the cradle - but in the end I decided that it would work if I just left it like that, understated, and did not actively contrast it with the Barton family. I'm glad to hear you justify that decision :-) I think one of the things that link Bruce and Nat is their need to be in charge of their own bodies and lives, to control their 'monstrous' selves - and yes, that is linked to the fact that they can't have kids, but really that's only a very small part of it.

Thank you for your comments on specific moments too :-) The acrobatic fighty bits were super fun to vid (and surprisingly easy - apparently Nat is always shot from the same few camera angles!) and I really enjoyed bringing together all the parallels.

<3!

[selenak]

Like you, I enjoyed Natasha, and Natasha/Bruce, in Ultron. This is a fantastic vid, and the match between song and visuals is amazing.

[purplefringe]

<3 Thank you so much! (Sorry for super late reply /o\) I'm really happy this worked well for you, especially as someone else who actually enjoyed the Nat/Bruce in the film.

[yourlibrarian]

This has such a wonderful sense of flow and pacing. It integrates what are such scattered pieces really well.

[purplefringe]

Thank you very much! That's such a pleasing thing to hear - I always worry about whether my vids feel coherent. <3

[muccamukk]

Absolutely fantastic vid. I really love the things you've done with pacing, slowing down and speeding up cutting to follow the song. Very well done.

[purplefringe]

<3 Thank you very much! The pacing of this song was SUCH fun to play with - it was one of the things that first made me want to vid it. I'm really glad this works for you.

[garrideb]

Really lovely editing! I especially loved the opening with clips of the ballerinas moving on the beat, and the cut of Natasha picking up her shoes from the first Avengers movie.

[purplefringe]

:-) Thank you so much! And aaaaah thank you for picking out those particular clips - I was really proud of those shots!

[sweetestdrain]

I love this vid! The parallels! And how you draw out some unexpectedly literal clip-lyric matches to strengthen the vid's argument -- so skillfully done and perfectly balanced with the larger metaphor of the song. Bruce and Natasha have quite a bit in common, but in the end, only Natasha sees the value in their transformation. (At least -- so far.)

[purplefringe]

<3! Thank you! PARALLELS. God I love them so much. Thank you for this lovely, insightful comment - I'm really interested in the theme of transformation, as it applies to Natasha and Bruce, and I'm glad that came across to you.

(Sorry for the super late reply!)

[cosmic_llin]

I only just got around to watching this, wow, it moves so beautifully, the song is perfect and you've used it perfectly to explore Nat's story!

[purplefringe]

Ha, well I've only just got around to replying to all the comments on this, so I wouldn't worry :-P

Thank you so much! Am glad you enjoyed this :-)

[shallowness]

Really loved this as a portrait of Natasha and how Nat/Bruce fit in. I'm impressed at the...meditative quality along with and in all the action.